Unfortunately, near half of all marriages today end up by divorce, and the average age of people that decide to separate is around 45. It is always a tough time for both spouses, especially if they decided to make this move when they have kids and mutual properties, which leads to disputes in court, division of property, obtaining the right to custody of children, and much more.
It can be hard when you are going to separate from someone that you lived with for a long time and shared everything. Many people need a lot of time to recover from this situation. Sometimes, people need a therapist as well, to help them to continue with their lives properly. The best way to recover from divorce is to find a way to move on. Here are the most important tips for moving on after divorce and separation.
1. Release Your Regrets
It is not a rare case that people who have just divorce to start thinking about what did they wrong, and would be like if some of their actions were different. However, despite that it might feel like the right thing to think about what you should change about yourself, and not making the same mistake, you should try to find a way to continue with your life and look forward instead of constantly thinking about the past. In the end, it might cause you to develop anxiety and depression. The best way to avoid that is to start thinking about what you should do now and to learn from previous mistakes.
2. Find New Activities
One of the best ways to stop thinking about the past is to find something that will occupy you and make you feel happy and confident. Even if most of your life after you got married was only related to your partner and family, there must be some activity that you loved. For example, you can continue to go to sports events, fishing, kayaking, or try something that you always wanted, but you didn’t have enough time. You should find your passion and try to fulfill it by traveling, learning, or whatever you prefer.
3. Create a Distance
We know that it might get hard to just stop seeing someone, but staying in contact with that person after separation won’t have a positive effect on you. You should try to become aware that you are single now, and start living a new life. Your main focus should be on your passions and ways to find happiness again.
4. Meditation
One of the best ways to prevent the development of depression is to start meditating. There are many benefits of meditation, such as the ability to start focusing on the present, finding a way to deal with stress, finding a new perspective in your life, becoming more self-aware, increasing creativity, reducing negative emotions, and much more. There are some professionals, like O’Sullivan Mediation, with a unique program specially developed for people who just got divorced.
5. Try to Forget Yourself
Even if it was your fault and your actions caused the divorce, there is no point in constantly blaming yourself and getting back on what you should do differently. People are making mistakes, and you should know that, and admit yourself that it was your fault, but also to find a way to continue with your life without getting back on that situation any more. You will find a new love in some moment, but you should love yourself before that as well.
6. Think About Negative as well as Positive Things That Happened During Marriage
We are aware that many people need a lot of time to forget about their spouse after a divorce, and that in their minds, they keep coming back to all the beautiful things that happened between you. However, you should analyze the whole marriage, and think about what caused you to separate in the first place. Even if you think that it was only your fault, maybe the other person would forgive you or at least tried to find a way to avoid the divorce, and improve the relationship.
7. Don’t Think About Lost Time
While it might seem that you lost so many years in marriage with a wrong person, it won’t be productive for you to continuously think about that. You have experience now, and the best way is to start living as a single person again and find something that will help you to move on with your life. Try to think positive and make the best out of this situation. For example, get in contact with your old friends, go out more, and try to find your happiness.
8. Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help
For most people, divorce is a stressful period, and it is tough to continue with life normally. Because of that, maybe the best solution would be to see a professional, the therapist who is experienced with these cases, and knows how to provide you with the best advice. Many people are feeling ashamed of seeing a therapist, but you should know that these people can show you the best way to move on. Also, there are various group therapies, where you can listen to other people’s experiences and see how they are dealing with it.
9. Try to Find Benefits from Being Single Again
Instead of torturing yourself by constantly thinking about how you should do something to prevent the divorce, try to get along with the new chapter in your life, where you are single again. There must be a lot of activities that you never had time for during the marriage, and now is the right time to make a bucket list and do what you like without anyone restraining you from that. You will have a chance to find new love, to fulfill your dreams, meet your friends, relax, and become happy again. The most important is to love yourself and try to find your passions.
Rhydian Choi 
Kim Marks