Being in an abusive relationship is a huge problem, sometimes the victim is not aware of it. Also, many popular beliefs suggest that, for example, women should listen to their boyfriends or husbands, which is totally the opposite of what basic human rights suggest. Sadly, many of us had already been in an emotionally abusive relationship, without even realizing that until it’s too late.
A lot of people, no matter women or men, have a problem to recognize the violent patterns in their partner’s behavior, accepting that as normal. Many of them find the guilt in themselves, thinking they are not good enough for their husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. But, even emotional abuse is a type of violence. The difference is that it isn’t leaving visible bruises and wounds, but when the heart and soul are hurt, they can’t easily heal without professional help.
Sometimes, we are not even ready to confess to ourselves we are in a relationship like this. We try to make our brain believe that everything is normal, but deep in our hearts, we know we are victims who need to run away as far as we can from the person that hurts us.
These are some of the most common examples of abuse of emotions in a romantic relationship:
1. You constantly try not to make them angry
You are choosing every word carefully because you don’t know if he/she will understand something wrongly and that will make them angry or abusive. You really lost yourself, trying to satisfy your partner, you control your emotions, the focus is on them, all of that because you are afraid of their actions and insults. You are adapting your behavior so you can avoid fights that are breaking your heart. The problem is that you are aware that you still have feelings for the partner who seems like don’t really care about how you feel.
2. A person is using “gaslighting” methods
You probably heard about the term gaslighting in the relationship, but do you really know what it means? Will you be able to recognize if it happens to you? In general, the partner will try to make your insecure, by messing your perception of reality. They will assure you that you didn’t understand them what they said, denying they did something, or even mess with your mind, trying to ensure you that you are getting crazy.
That will end up in self-doubt and a decreased level of self-respect. The victim will accept that things are wrong in their head. Some psychologists say this is one of the most common forms of abusive behavior in the relationship, and that many cases ended tragically because the partner wasn’t able to think with their own head and run away from the unhealthy partnership.
3. They took control over your life
When your partner is trying to establish complete control over your life, it can be a serious relationship problem. If he/she contacts you several times a day for the purpose of “verification” can turn into constant harassment, which is pretty uncomfortable. The requirement of a constant report on the partner’s location is also a form of violence because it can lead to more dangerous forms of abuse, like forbidding to go out or to spend time with friends and family.
4. Jokes that turned into insults
Some jokes can be sarcastic, funny, ironic, but if you are suspicious that something is wrong, you are probably right. If your partner is joking with you too frequently, and he/she is using insults that hurt you, you can be sure they are not funny or sarcastic, but violent and abusive.
5. You caught yourself apologizing for things you haven’t done
These victims often come to the conclusion that they are stupid or selfish, as their lover is accusing them too often for this. So, they end up apologizing for every action, even for those who aren’t wrong. If you are currently in such a relationship, you should break up with the partner and try to protect your dignity and well-being, even if you think you’ll be lost without them.
6. They are either too hot or too cold
Hot and cold games are interesting when we are teenagers. But, if you are grown-up people, these games are a big “no” for a normal relationship. The partners should always support one another, without playing any games. The abusive partner will change their behavior every day. One day they will be careful and loving, and the next day they will ignore you or even make you think you did something wrong. That’s unhealthy and you don’t deserve that.
7. They are humiliating your life choices
Partners should be supportive of every action they take. But, if you think that your partner is trying to make your life choices look stupid and less valuable, you must know that there is nothing like that. Every achievement of yours is important, even the minor ones. No one ever should make you believe you are worthless, no matter what the reason behind that behavior is. Every person in this world is valuable, so it’s you, no matter what your partner is trying to “plant” in your mind.
8. They try to control you with money, food, or through love life
If your partner is making you deserve the basic things like money or love life, he/she is an abuser who needs to stay away from the people, before destroying them. Making love is a normal action in every relationship, and no one should make you believe you need to deserve it, or even use it as a tool of keeping you far or close.
It’s normal to feel lost in the abusive relationship afterward. But, there is always hope you’ll be able to heal and get ready for your next partner you may meet on dating platforms like Tinder, sweetydate.com, Hinge, and many others available online. We hope that you learned the valuable lesson of the intimate partnership abuse, and you will be able to recognize if it happens again in the future.